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Health update: Living with MS

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It occurred to me yesterday that it is almost the 1 year anniversary of my doctor telling me over the phone that I have multiple sclerosis (MS). It was on March 31, 2023 and it was a shock. I just recently learned that March is MS Awareness Month, and this is MS Awareness Week.

MS is difficult for me to talk and blog about. I don’t know if it’s because the symptoms of the disease are invisible, meaning I look normal, but my body knows differently. Maybe it’s because this is a disappointment, considering I’ve already survived breast cancer. Maybe it’s because most people don’t know about the disease. Maybe it’s because I’m focused on healing and want to preserve my energy from explaining what is difficult to explain. Maybe it’s a combination of all the above.

Whatever the reason, March is the most appropriate time to share an update on my MS journey.

“You’re a very strong woman who’s been managing it all these years but then something BROKE.” Those were the words my MS neurologist said to me last week toward the end of our appointment, and my eyes tear up every time I replay it in my head.

For the past 12 months, I have been focused on treatment and recovery. I attacked this thing like I do with any challenge. I immersed myself with research and information. I coordinated and attended all my doctor appointments. I’ve prayed. I restructured my life a bit. I’ve moved forward.

For the past 12 months, I’ve seen these specialists: neurologist, pulmonolgist, urologist, neuro ophthalmologist, nutritionist, and oncologist. In addition to seeing my optometrist, primary care physician, and dentist. I most recently completed physical therapy in February and need to schedule another type of physical therapy in the near future.

I’ve been my own social worker coordinating care, submitting appropriate documents, calling my insurance to verify coverage, and asking the right questions.

Some successes are that in January, I completed my second infusion dose in one session. I completed 7 physical therapy sessions. My lungs are clear. My bladder is on her way to healing. My vision hasn’t changed much. Most importantly, my MS neurologist also told me in the visit last week, after she told me how strong I was, that I’ve been working hard and have changed the course of my illness to see positive results for the next 50 years.

I’ll take it.

In support of MS research and a cure, I’ll be participating in Walk MS and have started a fundraiser, which you can find here:
https://events.nationalmssociety.org/participant/433279


Please help support me in this cause. Any amount helps!

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Blog refresh

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Several months ago, I changed the name of my WordPress blog site from “Enlightened Social Worker” to “My Enlightened Life”. The address is still the same, but the name is different. I selected the original name mainly because I wanted to establish myself with some credibility and be recognized as a licensed social worker. However, although I’m still the hard-working professional I’ve always been, I am no longer licensed as a social worker. I remember being so proud of the work I accomplished to get licensed back in 2012. I waited almost a year after my graduation and completed all the steps, including studying, taking multiple practice exams, taking a couple of other exams, and ending with the final step – a 4-hour comprehensive social work licensing exam. I didn’t care if I passed by the skin of my teeth….as long as I passed. As it turned out, I had a decent score.

In Texas to be considered a social worker, you must be licensed. Alas, I will always be a social worker at heart, plus I earned a graduate degree in social work. I just cannot legally say I am a social worker. I am no longer licensed because I couldn’t keep up with the required continuing education credits due to my demanding job, raising my children with my husband, and my families’ health issues, including my own. It was difficult to manage it all and something had to give.

I never thought I wouldn’t maintain my license, but life happens and I don’t need it for the work I currently do as an administrator with the state of Texas. I also don’t need it for my blog. I just thought readers would be more receptive to content from a credible source. Moving forward, I deem myself credible by virtue of my ample life experience filled with ups and downs and my professional life which is also filled with ups and downs.

I did most recently inquire to the board that oversees social work licensing on what I need to do to get my license back. I’m working on some activities to get my life in alignment with my goals. I may decide to pursue my license again so that I can keep my career options more open.

I’ve also been wanting to make a pivot on my blog for quite some time. It’s hard to believe that I started this blog 7 years ago, especially when it took me a year to commit myself to start. Most often the hardest thing to do is start. I exhibited some courage when I started this blog. Over the years, the frequency of my posts have ebbed and flowed depending on what’s been going on my life.

Though this blog continues to be about self-care, I’ve evolved over time to share more of my favorite self-care activities such as cooking, smoothie challenges, exercising, gardening, and maintaining my health. This evolution is why I changed the name of my blog to “My Enlightened Life” because my blog content extends beyond social work. It’s about navigating life in my authentic way and me striving to be mentally lighter, more self-compassionate, more present, more joyful, and more self-accepting.

I suspect other people are striving for the same things, so if that’s you, stick around. If you’ve been sticking around, I’m forever grateful.

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Stay above the fray

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This blog is an extension of me being trained in social work, working in an administrative leadership role, and wanting to share some wisdom with you. Social workers are change agents, fighters of social injustices, and are advocates. I’m my biggest advocate.

So as is true in life, it’s not all fun and games. This post isn’t about food or a recent adventure. I want to share some points that came up for me regarding leadership. I hope you pick up some light lessons as you read.

I’ve been told (and have heard) I’m viewed as calm, sharp, a person who can have hard conversations, I have good ideas, I’m a person of few words, and I’m the voice of reason. In one instance, the “calm” characteristic came up because I’ve had poignant discussions with some team members recently. My mentee asked me, “how can you be so calm?”

I’ve learned to harness my anxiety over the years. When I tell people, I struggle with anxiety, they don’t believe me. The first thing they point to is my calm demeanor. Yes, I’m an anxious person, and as I get older and learn more through working in public health, about trauma and its impacts on people, I can appreciate how my early life circumstances contributed to my anxiety.

I’ve been working on self-compassion and I think it’s lifelong process. You can’t always foresee triggers that spark the anxiety, or may not even be aware of specific triggers. Yet, these triggers can set the stage for some much needed work to get through issues that seemingly pop up randomly.

I’ve been reading the book Rewire Your Anxious Brain and have been learning about two parts of the brain, the amygdala and the cortex, and how they can trigger anxiety. I’ve learned that anxiety stemming from the amygdala can have triggers you have no control over. Anxiety stemming from the cortex are the result of faulty thinking patterns. There are various approaches to managing anxiety for each. When I complete the book, I may blog about what resonated with me. So far, it’s a very informative read.

One major way I’ve harnessed anxiety over the years is exercising 6 days a week. I exercise mostly for the brain boost of endorphins. I absolutely love my cardio, dancing, and free weights but core exercises…not so much. My blood pressure is a “dream” for many as I’ve been told by my doctors for years. In addition to calmness, the other fruits of my exercise are peace, contentment, confidence, happiness, and ARM MUSCLES.

In terms of calmness as it relates to my leadership style, one particular class in graduate school made a significant impression on me. In this class, our professor invited a different leader from a different agency to speak to the students on a regular schedule. One particular leader was the head of a major federal department. During his leadership term, a catastrophe occurred that resulted in the loss of life….many lives. It was mind blowing. It was an unrelenting mess for years. What he said got him through was an expression I had not heard or used before. He said the biggest lesson in that circumstance was to “stay above the fray”. It was a phrase he’d learned while being a pilot in the military.

“Staying above the fray” in my opinion means to stay above the chaos. Don’t let the chaos seep inside of you. Don’t contribute to the chaos. Otherwise, you may lose your objectivity and problem solving sensibilities. The leader should have the level head. The leader should have the calm demeanor. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel emotion or empathy, but you’re not taking it in. There is strength in being calm, especially for people you are leading. Calmness means not overeacting, which may contribute to someone else’s anxiety. Calmness allows for quick and nimble thinking.

My calmness doesn’t mean I’m going to blow up once I get through whatever it is either. You may have heard the expression “calm before the storm”…? That’s not me. My calmness doesn’t mean I’m not anxious on the inside. Again, I intentionally harness my anxiety, so I can operate in calmness.

The light lesson here is to protect yourself from taking on other people’s anxieties, problems, etc. You have your own stuff. For whatever situation is going on…”stay above the fray”. And invest (time, money, effort) in doing the mental, spiritual, emotional, and/or physical work needed that will allow you to function at optimal levels.

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I’m not political but…

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I’ve been seeing this line a lot lately on social media during this intense season of political divisiveness in America. Many people are tired of this current administration and the buffoonery that has taken over our federal government. I almost forgot to start the post with my disclaimer that I might OFFEND someone. Good thing this is my site and I can exercise my voice freely. It’s ok if we disagree. We don’t need to fight. Life will still go on.

That line (see title)… I’ve noticed it mostly from women so I want to address us in particular. What does it matter that you aren’t political? The mere statement implies you are about to express something political. I read a while ago that politics is really about relationships. I’ll unpack that in a different post. There does appear to be a negative connotation with being “political”.

My impression of what you’re trying to say is that you aren’t that versed in political affairs. You might not be that versed in each of the parties including understanding the history. You might not be that versed in the government process of creating laws, selecting a President and cabinet members, and knowing what they do in, or the terms of, their office. You might not be up to speed on foreign affairs and the United States’ relationship with all countries. You might know the nuances of climate change and what that means for our future. You might know all the policies the Presidential candidates supported and implemented and the details of their plans for the future.

Growing up, I was raised in a religion that told its members not to vote. That is potentially thousands upon thousands of people just in the United States who have or do not vote because a religion tells them not to. The “so called” reason that I can gather is because God is not of this world and as Christian’s we shouldn’t be either. Participating in the political process means you’re subscribing to this world. BULLOCKS!

I’m a Christian and believe in Jesus Christ as the son of God. I believe in God and the Holy Spirit. I also believe it’s my civic duty to exercise my right to vote on matters that are important to me personally and ultimately express my beliefs and values. As someone trained in social work, I support equitable healthcare, education, job opportunities, human rights, etc. for those who experience injustices, people with disabilities, people who are financially poor, people of different races, ethnicities, cultures, and sexual orientation/gender identification. Excuse me if I have forgotten some groups.

So I say to those who feel the need to preface with “I’m not political but”, it doesn’t matter. You have issues that are important to you. You see things you don’t like. You know your values and beliefs. Voice your issues through voting. Also, educate yourself through reputable sources. We have access to so much information through the internet. It’s not too late.

I used to think my vote didn’t matter but it does. I’ve been voting in local and federal elections for over 20 years now and I haven’t looked back. It doesn’t always go in the direction I voted, but I have confidence knowing I did my part and gave it a shot.

I don’t know every single thing in the political arena either but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t speak my concerns or that I have to announce “I’m not political but”. I bet many people who didn’t vote in the last Presidential election probably wished they had. Hopefully, they learned from that and will vote in this one.

If you’re in the United States, GO VOTE. Your vote matters.

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Confidence boost

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How do I get women to have the courage to be bold, confident and work in their own power? It’s not by coincidence I’m asking because not only have I struggled in the past with this personally, and quite frankly, I still do in specific situations, but I manage a team of mostly women. I see women struggling with confidence and speaking their knowledge with authority. The one male on my team has no problem with confidence and speaking knowledge, yet I prefer he reigns it in at times (different post). Some goals I have for women are to be empowered to share their ideas with confidence, to stop second guessing, to step out of their comfort zone, and to speak with authority.

I propose the following strategies (in no particular order) to help women gain more confidence in the workplace and in life:

  • Do your homework- Educate yourself on the topic at hand. In my work environment, the core workforce are called subject matter experts (SMEs). SMEs learn everything there is to know about their particular program, including learning what other states do. I’ve found the more I learn about a topic, the more confident I become.
  • Practice – When I was in high school and college, I used to rehearse my presentations with other students, or solo by looking in the mirror and literally reciting my script out loud. In my line of work, these techniques haven’t gone away. I make lots of presentations and still need to rehearse, but not to the same degree as I did when I was a student. For group presentations with my team and/or others, we plan on who will say what. You might even record your voice and listen later to hear how you sound. You might want to rehearse asking for a promotion, for a job interview, and for delivering bad news.
  • Believe in yourself through positive self-talk – We all have the inner critic in our heads judging everything we do. Train your critic to be your cheerleader. It takes practice, but replace, “I can’t do this” with “I will”. I’ve trained my inner voice to be kind and it speaks to me as if I were a friend. That’s not to say the critic doesn’t come out every so often, but I work hard to make my cheerleader my main voice.
  • Make time to do things you enjoy – my love of exercise and Zumba fitness, on the surface doesn’t appear to impact my job, but the energy, calm, and joy I draw from these activities, spill into other areas of my life. In fact, becoming a Zumba fitness instructor, and the act of dancing in front of others has boosted my confidence in ways I couldn’t have imagined. That boldness has helped me in my current leadership role, which leads to the next strategy.
  • Set goals for yourself – As you accomplish your goals, you’ll develop more confidence. I had the goal of completing the training to be a Zumba fitness instructor for my 40th birthday. That was five years ago. I also had goals of earning advanced degrees, losing weight, spending more time with my family, etc. The more goals you accomplish, the more your confidence increases. Keep setting new goals.
  • Just do it – This Nike slogan has been one of my favorite mantras. Sometimes, you’ve just got to put yourself out there and “do the darn thing”. It won’t be perfect. It may not be as rehearsed as you would have liked, but put yourself out there. Take a chance. We only live once. I work in a fast-paced environment where we often sacrifice 100% quality for getting it done and out the door. If perfection is holding you back, let it go because nothing is perfect. I, myself, am a “recovering perfectionist”.
  • Channel all parts of you – I’m a parent, wife, daughter, sister, friend, aunt, cousin, niece, manager, mentor, exercise enthusiast, cook, reader, etc. As a parent, I’m used to raising my children, being nurturing/loving, setting boundaries, and teaching and directing them. Parenting is hard, but I’m confident that I’m raising my kids the best I can. I channel the parenting part of me in my role at work. I’m confident in my relationship with God and His purpose for my life, which I channel in my work. The confidence I’ve developed in the various parts of my life adds to my overall confidence bucket and greatly impacts how I demonstrate my confidence to the world.

My assumption in writing this post is that women are working in environments where they are expected to share ideas and contribute knowledge which will ultimately impact an agency’s bottom line. In my line of work, it’s getting citizens the help they need.

Please feel free to share your challenges and successes with building confidence.

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I’m a bad ass

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Yesterday, I was reminded that I really am a bad ass. Listen, my normal stance is that of humility, grace, and gratefulness. However, sometimes, it’s healthy to stop and appreciate how awesome you actually are. Three things happened that made me pause. Here we go.

I held an interview for one of my vacant positions, and the applicant, a doctoral student, went above and beyond in selling herself. At one point, she revealed that she did research on us, the interviewers, and was shocked to learn she’d be interviewed by two black women. Not to mention, my colleague has a PHd and I’m a licensed social worker. Come to think of it, I hadn’t had the experience either. To blow her mind further, we pointed out two of our key executive leadership positions were also held by black women. This is not typical. It is a blessing to have these women as role models. To think, I am a member of our leadership structure is amazing and humbles me.

The 2nd time I was reminded that I’m a badass was when I was chatting with my team member and shared my story of being a whistleblower at two different organizations. These cases involved how staff were being mistreated and disenfranchised. Early on in my pursuit of social work, I felt strongly that I was an agent of change, which is what social workers prescribe to: we are CHANGE AGENTS. I won’t go into detail about those situations, but it does take a lot of courage to do what I did. I was reminded I take being an advocate for whoever the population (mental health clients, homeless, coworkers, agency staff, my husband, my kids, myself) very seriously and I’ve witnessed positive results in most cases.

The 3rd reminder of my bad ass-ness occurred when I ended the day with notifying my team member I was promoting her. She interviewed well and demonstrated she has the “chops”. She deserved this news on a Friday afternoon, so she could smile about it all weekend. She was so excited, though, she tried to play it calm. I was excited for her. I told her she could let me know by Monday, or sooner. First, she said she’ll think about it. Then, she said she was likely going to say “yes”, but wanted to think about it over the weekend. Within the hour of her leaving the office, she texted me “yes”.

I suppose this last example is more about someone getting rewarded for their bad ass-ness, but I certainly felt bad ass by being in the position to offer the opportunity.

The “light” lesson for the weekend is to appreciate and OWN your bad ass-ness. Live in your element, in your authentic way, and you will sparkle and shine as only you can.

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Work-Life

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This week was rough physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally. It was full of obstacles, temptations, stress, productivity, high points, low points and everything in between. I suppose it’s called my LIFE.

On Tuesday, I was running late for a meeting offsite and had a bad fall in the parking garage that resulted in huge knots on my foot and elbow. It was an interesting fall because I missed the final step going down the stairs. The way I landed…almost in a yoga, cross legged pose, made it difficult for me to get up and caused me to twist my foot. Everything is still sore including my hips and knees. I had a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon, but it was with my oncologist. He doesn’t treat falls, but did tell me I’m healthy. And you know what…they didn’t even ask me to speak at that meeting. Really?

I’ve been attempting to embark on a weight loss journey (10 pounds), but there were food temptations this week such as the ice cream social we held on Wednesday in honor of our administrative professional staff. I did partake of ice cream because I don’t believe in being overly restrictive, but me and sugar have a love thing going on. I do want to limit my sugar intake, particularly as part of my cancer recovery. We have a lot of ice cream remaining, so…well, I also partook on Thursday and Friday. I didn’t know Blue Bell has a “banana pudding” flavor. Additionally, my general work stress and busyness from a week jam packed with meetings and interviews didn’t allow me time to log my food at all and I had been doing so well with this new habit. I did bring my healthy breakfast and lunch daily. A few of us also signed up for our agency’s weight loss challenge, which starts on May 4.

I wore my social work advocacy hat to address some issues I observed with my husband’s clinical team. I politely gave them a piece of my mind. They were very responsive and addressed my concerns. I also participated in my husband’s intake for his neuropsyche exam. It was emotional for him. Unlike other weeks, dealing with his medical stuff was interwoven in my schedule daily. It did add a bit of extra stress.

We’re on one income (mine), for the time being, and I get paid once a month. Despite my good salary, money is tight, but all bills are paid. For the first time in my life, I actually bought generic maxi pads because, you know, I need them. And you know what…I didn’t have an accident. The world didn’t end. I don’t know why I even made a big deal about it. The decision was actually easy when I considered my funds.

My son was sick a couple of days. There’s pressure because he’s behind on a couple of classes. We need him to pass his classes for obvious reasons. It’s a chore getting that boy to see the benefit of education. Perhaps the mission trip we’re planning to Haiti will open his eyes.

All in all, it was another productive week for the history books. I’m glad to be in recovery mode. I will spend the weekend resting and recharging, which is what I encourage my team to do. I’m also about to get my exercise on. Work-life balance. You’ve got to work on it.

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Hospital chronicles

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This is Day 6 of visiting my hubby, Bryan, in the hospital. In his hand is a thermos of homemade chicken tortilla soup prepared by yours truly…me. If God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, He must think awefully high of me.  Not to mention, my son has been battling some kind of illness that I’m diagnosing as a combination of asthma, allergies, and a cold. I thought I was going to have a stress-free, cozy Christmas break with my family and add in some time to myself to think about my mom. Nope.

It turns out that Bryan needs inpatient physical, occupational, and cognitive therapy and will likely be here for another 2 weeks.  I’ve accepted it because it’s not in my control. However, I’m frustrated because I have been communicating my obervations to his doctor for months now. As a social worker, I understand how the system works, so I am thankful that I can advocate on his behalf. The hospital believes he needs to be here and I can see he does too. I want him to be safe and as close to his optimal level of functioning as he can be prior to discharge.  Naturally, Bryan wants to come home.

I don’t want this experience to dampen my outlook on 2018, but I’m not going to lie, I’m in a funk.  Bryan wants to be home. I want him to be home. Our kids miss him and he misses them. I miss him in our bed. He wants to sleep in his bed. It sucks to drive out here everyday. I’m exhausted spending half my day at the hospital, then going home to attend to the kids. I feel bad that my son has been sick. I feel bad because I’m spending so much time away, but I also feel bad about how lonely it must feel for Bryan to be in a hospital over the holidays. I feel bad that my kids have spent part of their holiday in a hospital. I feel bad about Bryan’s condition. He has a long road of recovery ahead.

Despite my moaning, there have been some bright spots and moments of grace throughout this ordeal.

  1. As the paramedics transferred Bryan from the chair to the gurnee while outside our home, a lady from my old church passed by, stopped and said a prayer for Bryan.
  2. We have health insurance. 
  3. The hospital ER neurosurgeon told me that Bryan’s doctor should have listened to me. 
  4. The hospital staff have been attentive and professional. 
  5. I didn’t get a speeding ticket after being pulled over on Day 3. I told the officer why I was speeding and he gave me a warning instead of a ticket.
  6. My prayer warriors have been praying for us.
  7. My friend treated my daughter and I to some pampering with a mani/pedi.
  8. Traffic has been light due to most people being off work for the holiday break, so the commute hasn’t been so bad despite the distance.
  9. My leadership at work have been understanding.
  10. WE HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE.

I’ve gotten a lot of calls and I’m not in the mood to talk. I haven’t been in the mood to write either, but I can’t stay away from what comes natural. Writing is therapeutic. I do have faith things will get better.  My current strategy is to take things day by day.


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Mom Chronicles

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I’ve had some busy days at work lately. Thank God for my husband who has always helped with the kids. However, as a working mom, I feel like I’m constantly juggling two worlds – work and family. My busy life doesn’t stop me from enjoying the little ironies that pop up and give me a good chuckle every now and then. I hope to capture these moments in my “mom chronicles” series.

A couple of weeks ago, towards the end of a stressful day at work, I received a text at 5:05 pm on a Thursday from my teenage son with an unexpected request. He asked me to pick up some…underwear. Huh? He proceeded to type he needed baby powder because his current underwear caused chaffing and he thinks the dryer shrunk all of his underwear. Son, you don’t have not one pair that’ll get you through tomorrow…Friday? The backstory of the dryer is it’s so old it takes forever to dry. Not only that, it makes loud noises when it’s on and it stops intermittently on its own during the cycle – could be up to 10 times or more.  We purchased it brand new, but damaged from Sam’s Club about 10 years ago. It only made a slight noise at the time, but now it’s on its last leg and the noise sounds like we have our very own train depot in the house. A new dryer has been on our list for over a month, but with my husband’s new work schedule, we haven’t made it to shopping around.

I returned a call to one of my colleagues on my way to the department store that evening and received some disappointing news I would have to address with a member on my team.  We talked for a little while I sat parked in front of the store. The conversation was tense. It was dark outside by then. I ended the call telling her about the text from my son and how my daughter wanted me to also search for “suspenders” for her Halloween costume (a nerd) since I would be buying my son’s underwear anyway. We both had a good laugh. 

Here’s the thing: I’m thankful I had that story to tell. I’m thankful my kids balance me and put things in perspective. I’m thankful I have kids to shop for.  I’m thankful my kids add to my character. I even believe they give me an extra edge. They make me do what I do even better. So for all the frustrations and disappointments we experience in life, don’t lose sight of what’s important.

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Who’s your mentor?

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It’s been a while since I’ve written a blog post simply because a lot has been going on in my life lately. As my primary care doctor said Friday while wrapping up my appointment, “You’ve experienced a lot this past year.” There was a pronounced pause, and as I contemplated what she said, my eyes welled up and I felt my lips curve sideways slightly…Yup, I sure have. That conversation is material for a different blog post, but for this one, I want to write about mentorship as I’ve been wanting to write about this for a while.  I’m at a point in my career where I have mentors and the experience has proven to be invaluable.

A few months back, I wrote that I received a promotion which was a big deal. With that promotion, I was assigned a mentor, who was on the interview panel.  Before I knew that he would be my mentor, we chatted briefly prior to the interview and I got a good vibe from him instantly.  Since then, we’ve been meeting for lunch and phone and connect through email.  I’ve been determined to absorb as much as I can, which is why I think I’ve been open to the mentoring experience.

I also have mentors outside of my agency and of different disciplines, backgrounds, ages, sex and race. I think it’s important to get different perspectives.  However, I will write a different blog post on how to handle it if one of your mentors provides advice you perceive to be off base (stay tuned) . As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more comfortable with being vulnerable and there are few things more vulnerable than admitting that you don’t know something. I’ve learned the temporary discomfort of vulnerability leads to growth. Therefore, I’m more willing to reach out for help and use my resources.  I’m willing to hear constructive feedback and use it to make myself better.

From my experience, there are many benefits to working with a mentor such as knowing that someone supports me, having someone to listen to my concerns and answers my questions without judgement, and having someone to provide guidance.

Support

Knowing that I have another person in my corner is a great feeling.   I’ve always had people who have supported me, but this is different. A mentor is devoting their time because they want me to succeed. Depending on the work climate, people may support you until it conflicts with their own interests. Because my mentor does not work in my area, I don’t think he has anything to lose by supporting me.  I also have a mentor who is retired and I regard one of my dear friends as a mentor.  Again, neither have any dealings with my agency, so their support is unconditional.

I make it a point to keep in communication with my mentors as often as I can, especially when I’m not feeling confident.  When you have support resources available to you, use them.

Listen to Concerns and Answer Questions

It’s important for me to be able to share my concerns with someone who will not judge me.  I already have issues with trust in the workplace based on plenty of hard lessons learned.  Trusting my mentors will not judge me is an act of vulnerability.  I focus on the benefit of me sharing the information and I trust my judgement that they are trustworthy. 

If trust is an issue for you, it is a good idea to assess if the person you want to mentor you is a good fit for you. Do you trust their judgment? Will they support you? Are they interested in your success? How are they perceived by others (i.e., what is their reputation)? 

I’ve gotten some valuable feedback and ideas that I haven’t thought of myself by sharing my concerns with mentors I trust.  It has also been game changing for me to be able to ask specific questions without worrying I’ll be judged for not knowing something.

Guidance

In order to accept guidance, you need to be willing to hear constructive feedback and be open to incorporate different perspectives into your life.  I have to leave my ego at the door for this.  Since I’m focused on advancing in my career, I am open to following the guidance offered by my mentors.  For complex situations, which I have a few, I listen to the different perspectives of my mentors and then make a decision. This has not always been easy, however, they’ve provided me with great guidance.

I can’t write enough about how life changing it has been to work with mentors. For career growth (or any other areas of growth), it is definitely worth it to reach out to people who are where you want to be. It doesn’t have to be a formal arrangement, although some agencies do have these. It starts with developing relationships and expressing interest in others.  Striking conversations about non-work related activities, inviting them out to lunch or coffee/tea, asking questions about their area of expertise…these are a few ways to start building relationships to get you closer to your mentor.