This is Day 6 of visiting my hubby, Bryan, in the hospital. In his hand is a thermos of homemade chicken tortilla soup prepared by yours truly…me. If God doesn’t give you more than you can handle, He must think awefully high of me. Not to mention, my son has been battling some kind of illness that I’m diagnosing as a combination of asthma, allergies, and a cold. I thought I was going to have a stress-free, cozy Christmas break with my family and add in some time to myself to think about my mom. Nope.
It turns out that Bryan needs inpatient physical, occupational, and cognitive therapy and will likely be here for another 2 weeks. I’ve accepted it because it’s not in my control. However, I’m frustrated because I have been communicating my obervations to his doctor for months now. As a social worker, I understand how the system works, so I am thankful that I can advocate on his behalf. The hospital believes he needs to be here and I can see he does too. I want him to be safe and as close to his optimal level of functioning as he can be prior to discharge. Naturally, Bryan wants to come home.
I don’t want this experience to dampen my outlook on 2018, but I’m not going to lie, I’m in a funk. Bryan wants to be home. I want him to be home. Our kids miss him and he misses them. I miss him in our bed. He wants to sleep in his bed. It sucks to drive out here everyday. I’m exhausted spending half my day at the hospital, then going home to attend to the kids. I feel bad that my son has been sick. I feel bad because I’m spending so much time away, but I also feel bad about how lonely it must feel for Bryan to be in a hospital over the holidays. I feel bad that my kids have spent part of their holiday in a hospital. I feel bad about Bryan’s condition. He has a long road of recovery ahead.
Despite my moaning, there have been some bright spots and moments of grace throughout this ordeal.
- As the paramedics transferred Bryan from the chair to the gurnee while outside our home, a lady from my old church passed by, stopped and said a prayer for Bryan.
- We have health insurance.
- The hospital ER neurosurgeon told me that Bryan’s doctor should have listened to me.
- The hospital staff have been attentive and professional.
- I didn’t get a speeding ticket after being pulled over on Day 3. I told the officer why I was speeding and he gave me a warning instead of a ticket.
- My prayer warriors have been praying for us.
- My friend treated my daughter and I to some pampering with a mani/pedi.
- Traffic has been light due to most people being off work for the holiday break, so the commute hasn’t been so bad despite the distance.
- My leadership at work have been understanding.
- WE HAVE HEALTH INSURANCE.
I’ve gotten a lot of calls and I’m not in the mood to talk. I haven’t been in the mood to write either, but I can’t stay away from what comes natural. Writing is therapeutic. I do have faith things will get better. My current strategy is to take things day by day.