self-care

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Intention for this week V.4

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Something happened at the end of last week where I wasn’t as stressed as in previous weeks, but it was just as hectic. I believe I settled into something. I saw things objectively. I finally detached and let it go. It was like I was a fly on a wall. I was even able to laugh at the lunacy of my day.

We’ve had some organizational shifts at work and I was anxious about the changes. However, Tuesday of last week, I honestly expressed my concerns during a meeting, and at that moment, I realized I might be able to leverage the changes for my benefit. A sigh of release washed over me. I got my mind right!

I know I’m being vague about the situation but I hope you can sift out the nuggets – let go of things you can’t control, be honest, and be yourself. In the big scheme of things, few things matter in life. Who knows??? In two days, I might feel differently, but I embrace the freedom I feel today.

Intention for the week: May I detach from things that are not my concern. May I not make decisions on emotion. May I tap into my well of knowledge, experience, and wisdom as often as possible. May I give praise where praise is due. May I rest when rest is due. And may I express love freely.
Bryan snapped this photo of me with one of many sleek Corvettes celebrating Black History Month in February.
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Intention for this week V.3

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The busy season at my work involves the state’s legislative session and I’ve been a busy bee 🐝 lately. The busy season at home is near as we get closer to our daughter’s (senior in high school) graduation and making college selections. While corralling the people at work and home to be on the same page, in their respective worlds, it’s easy to get caught up in the busyness of it all, at least for me.

I managed to accomplish a whole lot last week. I’ve noticed it’s easy to focus on how much more you can do when you’re on that achievement “HIGH”. It’s not necessarily a healthy place to be because I’m not taking time to appreciate what I’ve accomplished and simply be in the moment. I’m just pushing myself to do more.

Over the weekend as I tended to my many plants (read my post Flourish Part I), I noticed it was a brilliant idea for me to invest time, money, and energy into these beautiful living things because caring for them allows me to slow down, notice, and appreciate.

I thought this was Christmas cactus. I rescued this plant from the garden center about a year ago & placed her on my bookshelf in the living room. She had very slow growth then seemed to stop growing altogether but she also wasn’t dying either…just maintaining. I moved her to a window over the Christmas break & BAM! She blessed me with this gorgeous bloom over the weekend. I don’t think she’s a Christmas cactus.

This past weekend, I returned a call to a dear friend and enjoyed catching up with her. We had such a great conversation that turned into us pulling out our yearbooks and discussing old classmates. I shared some news that I’m having a medical exam soon to determine a diagnosis (I may blog about it later) and she reminded me that I’m resilient. I so needed that reminder.

My intention for this week: May I insert minibreaks into my day to slow down, breathe, and appreciate the beauty in my surroundings. May I celebrate the small wins. May I allow myself compassion for when things really suck (because sometimes they do). May I celebrate others who I appreciate. May I dig into my deep well of resilience in moments of weariness. May I dance for the sheer enjoyment.
Found this photo from a few years back after a dance session in our old garage. Dance is my favorite exercise.
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Weekly re-cap and intention

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As I reflect on my intentions from last week, I can see I did accomplish a lot. I even wrote two journal entries on what I was able to accomplish on those days. I exercised for 6 days, meditated 5, ate mostly healthy plant-based meals, prayed daily, fasted as planned one day, and crossed many tasks off my to-do lists. Because we had a short work week due to President’s day, the remainder of the week was hectic.

Thankfully, Friday ended with a celebration for my daughter, Elise, at the African-American Heritage ceremony. Bryan and I attended her event as proud parents and we went to dinner afterward for some family time. Her brother, Caleb, had to work.

Bryan, Elise, and I on 2/24/2023 at the AISD Performimg Arts Center after the ceremony.

What I struggled with was not taking things so seriously. I had a couple of tense meetings which impacted my stress levels and mood. I did remain confident and calm in the moment. I was so glad when my therapist called to check-in and schedule our next meeting. Her call was at the right time. Her soothing and reassuring voice is what I needed at that moment.

Saturday after monthly brunch with some friends. I was tired from the lack of sleep the night before, but I wasn’t going to miss this. The food was decadent, but the company was even better.

I spent the weekend taking care of me and my home (to a lesser degree than normal). I also had more bonding time with my family at church on Sunday and afterward for some breakfast and shopping.

This is the last week in February already. I strive to be my best self every day so my intentions for this week will build off the last and target some of where I perceived I fell short. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not aiming for perfection. 

Intention for the week ahead (building from last week): May I spend more time in the moment rather than in the past or future. May I find a reason to laugh every single day. May I slow down and take deep nourishing breaths often. May I remember to smile more than frown. May I spoil my body with the gift of rest and sleep every night. And lastly from my therapist, may I focus and hold closely to the most important things/people in my life.

What are your intentions for the week?

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Progress not perfection

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Just like that, January is over, and here we are in February. I want to recount the positive things in real time as much as possible because time is flying. As I reflect on my vision board, I indicated that I would “write away” and I did just that by participating in January’s Bloganuary challenge….31 days of blog posts, each day a different topic.

A snapsot of my vision board. For more, check out my post What I want to achieve this year?

It was my first year participating, and I learned I enjoy blogging first thing in the morning after my spiritual meditation practice. I’ve wanted to post daily, but I haven’t been able to keep up with it. Well, I’ve read it takes 21 days to develop a habit and it worked for me. I missed about 3 or 4 days, but this is by far the most I’ve blogged in a month. I probably haven’t blogged 30 times in some years, so I’m off to a great start.

What I enjoyed about the Bloganuary experience were the different blogging prompts, which seemed random, at least to me. It challenged me to blog about topics I previously would not have. I even wrote a short (very short) story. It allowed me to reminisce about pleasant experiences. It reminded me of books and authors that have inspired me to read and write. Finally, I enjoyed the comradery with fellow bloggers.

Other notable January milestones are that I’ve been in remission from breast cancer for 6 WHOLE YEARS. It’s also been one year since my full hysterectomy. I truly believe health is wealth. I strive to keep my physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, and financial health in check every day, although sometimes it’s difficult.

I love starting my year off with a challenge because it boosts my sense of accomplishment. February reminds me of love, so I plan to focus on the people I love this month, including myself. My son turns 22 this year, so we will be celebrating. I’m also considering participating in a vegan challenge. I’ll keep you posted.

Cheers to February!🥂

What are you looking forward to this month?

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How do I show love?

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I love to ‘love on’ the people I love and who ‘love on’ me. For my husband, Bryan, and our kids, they get the full extension of my love. I love cooking them delicious meals. To me, feeding someone with a delicious and nutritious meal is the ultimate way to show love because I’m using my time to create nourishment and enjoyment. It’s a personal gift.

While on a grocery run, I’ll pick up my family’s favorite foods to eat, including treats and drinks. I generally like to do things that make their life a little easier, like picking up after them. I will initiate a big hug with Bryan even though he isn’t the ‘huggie’ type, and neither are our kids, but I’ll make them hug me on occasion.🤗

I also spend time with the person I love ❤️. I spend lots of time with Bryan, especially since the pandemic. My kids are at the stage where they spend a lot of time with their friends, but we still have family time and it usually involves eating.

Although living in different states, my siblings and I check in with each other often…even more often since our mom passed away. We group text all the time. I also make time to check in on my nephew, nieces, and cousins.

The pandemic has changed lots of things so we haven’t had too many visits to our house since then, but I generally show friends and family I love them by inviting them to our home, making them comfortable, and cooking for them. Even while on visits to Chicago in 2021 and 2022, I cooked several times.

I also enjoy capturing memories in photos and love sending them as gifts to the people I love.

Life is short, and as I get older, it’s more important to me than ever to make sure I’m showing love to the people who love me.❤️

Bloganuary Day 24 prompt!

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Bloganuary Day 23: What’s a lie I tell myself?

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There are actually two lies I tell myself: 1) I have no control and 2) I can’t do something. These two lies cause lots of unhealthy anxiety in my life. Undergoing therapy helps me to dispell these lies, but the mind is tricky, and it’s an ongoing process.

Intellectually and spiritually, I know I’m equipped to handle many things. God has equipped me. I’m resilient as a result of the trauma I’ve experienced and the things I’ve achieved despite the trauma. However, my amygdala (primitive part of the brain) doesn’t always want me to forget the trauma. I get triggered, anxious, and fearful over things sometimes. Sometimes I know the triggers and sometimes I don’t.

I recommend the book ‘Rewire Your Anxious Brain’ by Catherine M. Patterson and Elizabeth M. Karle. My therapist mentioned it one session, and I bought and read the book.

The best investment I’ve made is participating in therapy, and it’s been almost 2 years. My therapist loves giving me homework, aka self-work, and much of that self-work helps me to tackle these lies.

I’m kidding when I say she loves to give it, but the fact is she can’t do the work for me. I can talk to her for years because she validates me and is pleasant to talk to, but if I don’t do the hard work of changing my patterns and thoughts that don’t serve me and practicing and incorporating what I’ve learned into my life, then what’s the point?

If you read the book I mentioned, then you’ll understand this self-work is helping me retrain the thoughts in my amygdala and cortex. In reality, the amygdala can’t really be retrained because it holds our oldest, deepest memories/thoughts, but we can introduce new patterns that change how the amygdala reacts.

I know it’s not rational to think these two lies, so one way I combat them is to state my personal POWER STATEMENTS from time to time as often as needed. Here are a few:

  1. I can do this!
  2. This too shall pass!
  3. I do have control!
  4. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made!

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Bloganuary Day 10: Has a book changed your life?

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When I was young, books saved me from boredom and my mind withering away. There were so many I can’t recall them all. Getting lost in stories and reimagining myself as the characters protected me from deep depression. Books like “Pippi Longstocking” by Astrid Lindgren helped me escape into a fantasy world of possibilities.

As I got a little older and was exposed to black writers, there was “The Bluest Eye” and “Sula” by Toni Morrison, which I still have in my home library. These books gave me insight into complex black characters, black girls/women, in hauntingly sad and hopeless situations. These women became a part of me.

I got into Zora Neal Hurston’s, “Their Eyes Were Watching God”, which for a long time, was my favorite book. Learning about the African American experience in the south in the early 20th century through fiction was mesmerizing. The words that come to mind for this book as a Haitian American girl are inspiration, love, beauty, innocence, hopelessness, and tragedy. Through it all, God carries us.

Then, “Breath, Eyes, and Memory” by Haitian author Edwidge Danticat became my favorite book and took over my life. I loved it so much because she spoke to my Haitian American roots. This book was written for me and about me. I loved it so much I gave it to my mom as a gift. I was not happy when I saw my stepfather with it as he proudly told me he wanted to read it too. That’s a different post.

In college and into adulthood, I was exposed to many other authors and genres of books such as “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl, which I still have in my home library. Then, there was greek mythology and other literary prose. There’s “The Odyssey” by Homer that I purchased for my college English class still in my home library. What about the somber writer/poet Edgar Allen Poe?

Inumerable books by Toni Morrison, Zora Neal Hurston, Edwidge Danticat and countless other black writers, and poets like Nikki Giovanni, women and men writers, but mostly women as you can see, immeasurably changed my life.

These books allowed me to see myself, exposed me to the possibilities, provided an escape to another place and time, made me proud of the sheer gift of writing and poetry, fueled my imagination, educated me, developed my compassion, gave me insight into the injustices of the world, and instilled in me unshakable hope.

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Why do I write?

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Day 6 of Bloganuary and it’s a great question. Writing for me is self-care because it allows me to express, reflect, and evaluate my thoughts. I enjoy it and I’m good at it. Growing up, I loved reading fiction books and losing myself in the stories. I’ve also been journaling since I was a preteen. I have always dreamed of being a writer because I wanted a way to connect with people the way the authors of those books connected with me. 

The act of writing allows me to operate in something I’m good at, which boosts my self-esteem and makes me feel good. Writing is another one of my SUPER POWERS.

With this blog, I’m bridging my love for helping people with my love of writing. I go through periods where I don’t write, and I end up feeling lost and like something is missing. I always return to it because I just can’t stay away. It’s an old habit I can’t quit. I don’t want to quit. Writing helps me evolve into a better me.

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What brings me joy?

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This is Day 5 of BLOGANUARY and I’m really enjoying this CHA-LUNGE of blogging every day in January. I’ve completed many CHA-LUNGES in the past, mostly related to cooking, but this one is fast becoming a favorite. Today’s question is what brings me joy?

One activity that brings me absolute silly and giddy joy is DANCE. I love to dance for exercise, particularly Zumba Fitness. I also love African dance and just dance in general. I’m no trained dancer, yet during a Zumba Fitness session, I feel like I’m on stage. Through all the sweat and heart pumping, a huge smile is planted on my face. I love it so much I became a Zumba Fitness instructor at 40 years old and have participated in many, many classes and events over the years.

Me with the crowd after I led a Zumba Fitness session at a mental health & substance use conference in Austin, Texas, circa 2016ish. It was a self-care session.💃🏾

I brought self-care to work through teaching Zumba Fitness classes for years and most recently renewed my Zumba Fitness license after about 4 years of inactivity. I’ve missed teaching and believe it’s a great way to keep myself physically fit. I’m thinking about teaching virtual classes at some point.

Even though I haven’t been teaching, I do Zumba Fitness and general dance at home as part of my exercise routine using my own choreography. I can’t wait to attend one of my favorite Zumba instructor’s classes again when the gym renovation repairs are complete. It’s been a few months. I also follow various youtube sites of fitness people doing all kinds of dance.

Dancing makes me appreciate my body and what it can do. At almost 50 years old, I need to keep these joints lubricated and moving.

Dance is EXHILARATING and brings me so much JOY!

Me leading a class at a Zumbathon a few years ago.