End of an era

December 31, 2022creelight3720 Leave a comment

This, my friends, is the end of an era. The year 2022 marks the last full year of me being in my forties. In 2023, I will officially turn fifty and I’ve been preparing for it.

I’m optimistic about living my best life in my fifties. Sometimes, you need to evaluate the past to put yourself on the path to a better future. For work, at the close of some projects, we facilitate a “lessons learned” debriefing to discuss the activities of the project such as what worked and what didn’t work.

Similarly, I’ve been reflecting on my forties, and based on light lessons I’ve learned, there were thoughts, actions, beliefs, etc., that served me well during that time and some that did not. I’ve been facilitating a personal debriefing in order to set myself up for a healthy and prosperous decade in my fifties.

My current forty nine year old self has thought about some nuggets of wisdom I’d tell my forty year old self if I could go back in time. They are in no particular order, though I think the first one set the tone for my thirties and early forties. See if you can relate to any of these.

You’ve proved you can accomplish things many people could not. You don’t need to prove you are worthy. God made you worthy. In fact, you don’t need to prove anything else to anyone.
You are great. Own it.
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Practice self-compassion daily.
You were right about certain people and situations. Don’t feel bad for your accurate perception.
You’re a good parent. You’re a positive example for your kids.Your kids are kind and good people. They are resilient. They have aspirations of their own for a better life.
Your kids will be going through different phases, so your parenting style will need to adjust accordingly. Though it can be frustrating, painful, and sad for you sometimes, you will experience the joy of watching their unique characteristics unfold.
Don’t work to the point of becoming numb because then you won’t have much left for yourself and family.
You’re going to have major health challenges, and the exercising and eating you are doing right now will serve you well for your physical, mental, and emotional health.
Your mummy will pass away soon, and you will keep her close by exemplifying the positive things she taught you, sharing with others, and passing them on to your kids.
Grieving is not just for loved ones who are deceased, but you will also grieve some relationships, phases of your marriage, phases of your kids’ development, and things that no longer serve you.
Life will get harder at certain points, but you are resilient. You will get through it.
Get a handle on your spending so you can save more for the future and have more money for fun experiences.
Don’t be so agreeable.
Pay attention and care for the people who do so for you. Don’t be consumed about the few people who don’t show up for you consistently or at all.
Instead of asking God to “use you” and subsequently burn yourself out, ask God to place you in healthy environments where you can grow and make positive impacts.
Being a workaholic is toxic.
Travel more, locally and beyond.
You will travel a lot in Texas, meet many people, and learn more about Texas than you know about your home state of Illinois.
Despite political affiliation, people are people.
Stay ready because opportunities are coming.
You have more control than you think.
Speak up more on things that are unacceptable.
Sometimes, people don’t understand you, and that doesn’t make you wrong.
Seek a therapist sooner rather than later.
You are beautiful inside and out. You always have been, and you will continue to be.

For the milestone years like forty and fifty, I notice many women on social media want to show they are their sexiest and most beautiful selves. I may have subscribed to that a bit when I approached forty, but I have different plans for my fifties, not to throw shade on anyone.

In my fifties, I plan to continue evolving into the best version of myself spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially. I want to be an all-around better human. It’s true – the older and wiser you get, the less you care about what others think, and you get more comfortable in your own skin. I want more of this too.

11-Month Post Surgery Update

December 4, 2022creelight3720 Leave a comment

The holiday season is upon us and before the year ends in a blur, I’m doing some self-reflection. There’s something to be said for memorializing one’s life. I gained a new appreciation for maintaining my blog while watching a youtuber passionately explain how important it is for everyone to document their lives in some way so as not to forget and to get the lessons. I wholeheartedly believe this. Not long ago, I was rereading my previous posts and in Take a leap, which I wrote as a mid-year reflection, I reminded myself of my “whys” and to keep going. My past me reminded the present (at the time) me of what the future me needed to do. A couple of months ago while in Chicago, my niece and I got on the topic of my blog and that conversation encouraged me to keep it going. So here I am again.

At the beginning of 2022, I was optimistic about my hysterectomy recovery. It feels like so long ago with all that’s happened this year. In my post Feeding my soul: 6 months post surgery, I shared some updates on my progress. I will keep the same format in this post by focusing on my surgical recovery, menopause symptoms, and general health.

Surgical recovery – In January, my gynecologist completed a laparoscopic hysterectomy with oophorectomy (ovary removal) on my body. My uterus, cervix, fallopian tubes, and ovaries were removed. Translation: I no longer have these organs in my body. In the months leading up to the surgery, I thoroughly (so I thought) researched the procedure, but after the fact, I’m still learning about the implications of the surgery. The main takeaways are that I’ve healed well internally and the scaring from the 4 incisions are fading. However, I didn’t fully conceptualize how my body would adjust to the missing organs. Let that sink in. I do have more lower back pain than anticipated, especially within a few months post surgery. I didn’t realize my uterus and ovaries were supporting my frame and lower back. I’m more mindful about not overdoing it with exercise and other activities. That’s not to say I don’t overdo it sometimes, because I definitely do. However, I make it a point to soak in the tub and allow myself some extra rest whenever my lower back does hurt.

Menopause symptoms – Not much has changed here. I do get hot flashes throughout the day, but I still think they are manageable. I’ve learned to dress in layers and I keep a fan near me or on as much as possible. My husband, Bryan, says the ceiling fan irritates his sinuses so he’ll turn them all off. I have to gently remind him my body NEEDS the fan. But I do have a general sensitivity to being too hot or too cold, so sometimes a fan is too much. I’ve experienced cloudy thinking for years and what’s helped this last year is drinking an expresso or cappuccino a few times a week. In my research on the best foods for women during menopause, I learned that expressos are beneficial to women in menopause due to the antioxidants. I find that drinking one during the work day keeps me alert and more focused. Who knew that it wouldn’t be until I reached my late forties I would gain an appreciation for a form of coffee? I’ve spent practically my whole adult life not liking or drinking coffee at all. But there is a difference between coffee and expresso and my taste buds and body prefers the later. I enjoy them a few days a week because I’ve also noticed too much caffeine can ignite the dreaded hot flashes. I would probably drink more if I didn’t forget to make them by 2pm. My rule is if I don’t drink it by 2pm, then I’ll forego because I don’t want the caffeine to interfere with my sleep.

General Health – In the summer and fall, I’ve met with my oncologist, primary care physician (PCP), pulmonologist, and neurologist. That’s a lot of specialists for this little ole body. Overall, from an oncology and general medicine standpoint, I’m healthy. My blood work is impressive – all “between the lines”, as my oncologist would say. However, I’ve gained a new diagnosis – asthma and there is an outstanding issue that seems to be a residual consequence of the surgery (occasional stuttering) that needs to be addressed….hence the neurologist. I will have an MRI in a couple of weeks. Also, I’ve gained 10 pounds since the surgery. I’m not happy about it, but I know it’s a consequence of the hysterectomy. My PCP thinks my metabolism is low and she’s probably right. I’ve been working on extending myself some extra grace and have been intentional about focusing on other markers of health. I still continue to eat healthy, watch my portions, exercise 5-6 days a week (dance, yoga, HIIT, weights, stretch), and educate myself on what the right formula is for me. I refuse to give up, and though I could, I don’t want to engage in any extreme tactics. One thing I do not have under control and what I’ve been struggling with for years is the sleep. Perhaps that is the secret sauce that may help my hormones. I have developed a lovely nightly bed time routine, which includes filling my scented oil diffusers, lighting a candle, listening to music (Neo-Soul or meditation mostly), pampering my face, showering or bathing, and putting on one of my favorite lotions. Also, a big change is once I sleep, I tend to stay asleep (except for going to the restroom to pee); whereas in the past, I used to awaken in the middle of the night ruminating about things like work.

Overall – My body is adjusting and I’m still learning what will work best to keep me functioning at optimal levels. The surgery was the right choice for me. And as a 49-year old woman with no period, I have to say it’s quite empowering. I didn’t realize how much planning for, being on, and caring for my period occupied so much of my life. Now, I have other things to occupy my time. Additionally, I’ve been undergoing a metamorphosis of sorts. I suppose this is common in mid-life. Despite no longer having a uterus which is the epicenter of creativity, my creative juices have been flowing. More to come on that.

Sometimes Vegan Chronicles: Day 7

November 10, 2020creelight3720 Leave a comment

I made it to Day 7! As I said from Day 1, 7 days is way more digestible (pun intended) than 21. I embarked on a 21-day Vegan cleanse at the end of July and I suffered through. I think mostly because my husband, Bryan, half way participated with me but that’s another story.

The final meal on this 7 day reset was very fitting because soup is my all time favorite comfort food. The name of the soup in the cover photo is Comfort Soup and it’s topped with kale croutons. The ingredients are leeks, potato, garlic, spices and kale. I have a confession though. When I couldn’t find my nutritional yeast (provides the cheese flavor), I decided to add parmesan cheese. Yup, I did. AND it was good despite not being vegan. It was vegetarian!

So how did I do on my goals? Remember, my goals were to have less bloat, sleep better, and have clearer skin. Well, I got 1 out of 3. The timing was a bit off for this reset because I started my period this week…so much for the bloat. Also, as with most women, my hormones were all over the place due to my period and I have the zits on my chin to prove it. BUT I did get a smidgeon more sleep as the days progressed. In full transparency, it probably helped that I took a sleep aide called Z-Quil a couple of nights.

A goal I didn’t mention but ended up happening anyway was to reduce my resting heart rate. It had slowly been rising the last couple of weeks. However, I notice it cycles by increasing and then decreasing every few months. It’s never increased out of range. Since I started the reset, it’s decreased by 3 points. I read that an increase could be early warning signs of heart disease or may have something to do with low iron. Long term affects of radiation treatment can be heart problems. I had radiation as treatment for breast cancer on my left side of my chest. My oncologist also prescribed me iron pills due to anemia. I have an upcoming appointment in the next month with my oncologist so I’ll talk to him about it.

This reset was a good reminder of the importance of eating mostly a plant based diet. It’s also refreshing to make new recipes. Variety is the spice of life for me. I will continue to share my meals with you.

So what’s next? I’ve already started two new challenges simultaneously. One is to revamp my exercise routine and the other is to curb my spending. Read my next post to find out more.

Sometimes Vegan Chronicles: Day 6

November 8, 2020creelight3720 Leave a comment

Home stretch. I slept in more than usual on Saturday. I had actually been up for hours just laying in bed reading. I didn’t get up for the day until almost noon, which supported intermittent fasting with little effort. I decided on Friday that because I had leftovers from previous meals from the week, that I wouldn’t cook the last meal until Sunday. It’s a soup and I’m looking forward to it!

I was not a huge fan of the Austinite Tacos. You can read about it in my previous post. I had some leftovers so I buckled down and ate them for lunch on Saturday although I almost opted to purchase a vegan meal from a restaurant. I didn’t so I wouldn’t waste food, plus I can save that money.

In my true fashion, I didn’t want any more of the leftovers so I decided to have one of my vegan frozen items for dinner.

I bought this from Aldi’s which is far from where I live. I’m glad I purchased 2 boxes at the time because I like them a lot. They’re great for a quick lunch. I had the vegan burger and my avocado green smoothie (cover photo) for dinner.

The smoothie was so creamy. The liquid was supposed to be cashew milk, but I put the cashew milk in the freezer to chill earlier in the day and forgot about it. The box was frozen so I substituted with coconut water. The other smoothie ingredients were half an avocado, pineapple, spinach, plus I added flaxseeds, collagen peptides, and fresh ginger.

My Vegan reset week is almost over and I’ve been thinking about the best meal for transitioning back to normal eating. My daughter asked me to make her favorite which is any kind of bean and rice. We love red beans, pinto beans, black beans, butter beans, and lima beans, but we opted for pinto. This will be a good transition meal. I’ll probably roast some chicken to pair with it.

In the final post, I’ll share my progress on achieving the goals I set out to do for this week. To learn more about what led me here and the recipes read http://sometimes vegan chronicles.

Sometimes Vegan Chronicles: Day 5

November 7, 2020creelight3720 Leave a comment

Cravings…let’s talk about them. Did it start with the sweet aroma permiating the house of my husband, Bryan’s, BACON cooking in the oven or was it when he toasted 2 buttermilk and vanilla waffles? Perhaps it was when Bryan pan fried a juicy burger for lunch…? No, it might have been when we went to Chick-Fil-A to pick up a late lunch for the teenagers.

Bryan has made bacon every day this week & it didn’t affect me until TODAY. It was today, the 2nd day of my menstrual cycle, that I was reminded of why being a vegan is not sustainable for me. BUT can I make it for just 7 days? I only have 2 more days to go. It’s getting tough. I had my snacks on deck, but I have a confession. I ordered some waffle fries from Chick-Fil-A while picking up food for the teenagers. They were good.

Some of the ingredients for AUSTINITE tacos. LPC

I’m going to get right to it and let you know I’m not a fan of tonight’s dinner. It was interesting and turned out better than I thought, but after the leftovers, there will be no repeat. This recipe won’t make it to my meal rotation. I get the feeling that Austin, Texas (where I live) was the inspiration for the recipe and name, especially since Austin has become such a foodie place. Tacos are beloved here in Texas.

I ate them and was again reminded of why being a vegan is not sustainable for me. I * enjoy * meat * too * much. Yes, I do.

Day 5 was a struggle, but I made it. There were lots of components to tonight’s dinner that are too much to share right now. There was a filling, a slaw, and a chunky guacamole (my addition).

Let’s see what days 6 and 7 bring.

Sometimes Vegan Chronicles: Day 4

November 6, 2020creelight3720 Leave a comment

I woke up more rested than yesterday, did an excellent kickboxing workout, drank my morning liquids, ate my coconut granola with bananas and almond milk, drank my Pineapple Detox Green smoothie, prepared/ate another loaded sweet potato for lunch, and made/ate the thai lettuce wraps for dinner.

These meals keep getting better. I think mostly because I’m trying new recipes and food combinations. If you need a refresh on why I’m doing what I’m doing and where I’m getting my recipes, read this post: Sometimes Vegan Chronicles.

Light lesson of the day: SLEEP is a game changer and I need more of it. I was joyful and unbothered today. Oh and part of my crankiness is due to my cycle starting. The Fitbit tracker actually got it right.

Day 4 was good. My meals were plenty satisfying.

Thai lettuce wrap ingredients: shallots, celery, mushrooms, walnuts, green onions, garlic, ginger, snow peas (my addition), cilantro, mint. Sauce: Tamari, rice vinegar, coconut sugar, lime juice. LPC

Sometimes Vegan Chronicles: Day 3

November 5, 2020creelight3720 2 Comments

I was mostly tired and cranky all day today. Perhaps the cleanse is working, but this lack of sleep is a problem. By the way, read my post from Monday called Sometimes Vegan Chronicles to see how I ended up on this journey. One of my goals for this cleanse is better sleep, but I’m not there yet.

Baked sweet potato ready for loading. LPC

I can’t stress enough how important it was for me to prep most of the snacks and the produce (wash, chop, store) over the weekend so that I wouldn’t find myself eating something I didn’t want to eat. Because I know myself so well, I even bought a few prepared frozen, vegan items in case I couldn’t make a meal for some reason. Never mind that my teenagers have been eating my frozen items. Like since when did they become vegan?

Tonight’s dinner was so scrumptious. Similar to the coconut ginger carrot soup, I’ve had this recipe for a while and made it for the first time today. I was pleasantly surprised with the slaw topping. But how can you go wrong with a slaw of shredded red cabbage, carrot, and kale with avocado, sesame seeds, and pepitas, mixed with a lemon dijon vinegrette? I’m so happy this will be lunch tomorrow too. I’m definitely adding it to my regular meal rotation.

I do like having a meal plan to follow which helps me follow the plan. I’m going to take my tired and cranky self to bed because I can’t take it anymore. Hopefully, I’ll get some quality sleep.

Sometimes Vegan Chronicles: Day 2

November 4, 2020creelight3720 Leave a comment

I did great on Day 2 of my Vegan reset with recipes from simplegreensmoothies.com. My avocado finally ripened enough to cut so I was able to make the Tropical Skin Cleanser green smoothie. It was pleasantly tart and had my lips puckering.

Me enjoying my green smoothie on the porch. LPC

The smoothie is meant for breakfast, but I didn’t finish mine until around lunch time because I have a whole routine of liquids that take me a while to drink. I start my day drinking 16-24 ounces of water spiked with either unsweetened cranberry juice or a green energy powder. I drink this during my workout. Then, after I get dressed for work, I have a cup of my morning detox drink that entails apple cider vinegar, a lemon wedge, warm water and honey or I’ll have a cup of detox tea. That’s about 8 ounces. Mix that in with meetings and now you know why it takes me a while.

Tropical Skin Cleanser Green Smoothies. LPC

I had the Waldorf salad as a snack, but didn’t get to take a picture. It didn’t look that pretty anyway.

I modified the Garden Vegetable stir fry by not stir frying it at all. I prefer roasted vegetables so that’s what I did. I also added mushrooms.

Prepping helped a lot because I had healthy snacks. At the end of the day, I was exhausted, which makes me think the cleanse is kicking in. Overall, I had a great day.

Moving on

October 27, 2020creelight3720 2 Comments

It’s hard to believe how quickly 2020 is moving…at least in my world. Every year in October since I was diagnosed with breast cancer in September 2016, I write at least one post about my breast cancer journey. The days seem like a blur since teleworking for more than half a year now. Just like I don’t want COVID-19 to define my life, I don’t want breast cancer to define me either. However, I would be remiss if I didn’t share my progress.

As of today, I’m cancer free and have been for almost 5 years (January 2021). My initial treatment was a lumpectomy, followed by breast reconstruction surgery on both breasts, followed by 3 weeks of daily, intensive radiation treatment, and followed by oral medication, which I will continue to take for possibly another 5 years. I started the medication almost 5 years ago.

I continue to meet with my oncologist every 6 months in addition to visiting with my primary care physician and endocrinologist annually. I also get a 3D mammogram annually. My lab results (drawn every 6 months) on my blood continue to be within range with some markers being impeccable and some below range. My oncologist likes to say all of my numbers are “right in the middle”. My glucose even decreased by 10 points at my last visit. All in all, I’m healthy.

For me, breast cancer came into my life with a BANG, turned it upside down for only a period, but then turned it right side up again. I was very intentional about adhering to treatment so I could heal faster. I was intentional about self-care. Being physically fit prior helped my recovery tremendously. Though it was a difficult experience, particularly the 4 months post diagnosis, I’m amazed I got through it. I suppose that’s part of the reason why they call us ‘survivors’.

I thought I’d be one of those people who participated in all the breast cancer walks, marathons, etc., but I haven’t participated in any walks, marathons, etc. I’m not sure what that is about but it’s not a requirement for a complete experience. I think one factor is that I like to keep my world small. It’s more manageable that way. Also, I don’t want breast cancer to occupy so much space in my life. Recently, I’ve been thinking about how I can best support the breast cancer community.

In the fall of 2019, my husband and I attended a conference for cancer survivors and I really enjoyed the experience. I’ve kept up with the group that put on the conference, the Texas Oncology Foundation, since then. I’m a person that enjoys learning new things. That format was more in line with what I’d continue to participate in.

Since breast cancer entered my life, my outlook is generally positive as it was before. I’ve been feeling more exhausted in 2020 though. It’s no wonder why with everything going on with COVID-19, the political climate, and racial unrest. My sleep could be better. I could stand to lose about 15-20 pounds. I need to reduce my work stress. Of the three, the last is what I want to focus on the most because stress can negatively impact health in so many ways. I’ve been setting work boundaries. I’m constantly refining how I manage.

Once you have cancer, there’s a nagging fear that it will return despite treatment. In some cases, it does return as the same or a different cancer. I’ve mostly heard of cases being more aggressive upon cancer’s return. I’m at higher risk for other cancers since cancer appeared. Those thoughts are not at the forefront of my mind, but they show up when it’s time to get my annual mammogram, at other medical appointments, or at other random times.

I have scars from my surgeries. Although mostly faded, I can still see the circle on each side of my body by my ribs from where the tubes were placed after breast reconstruction surgery. I had to keep the tubes in for a week post surgery. Yup, long tubes were hanging from my body. My husband drained them several times a day for that whole week.

My left breast has a significant dent which you can’t tell too much from the picture of me in the cover photo. The dent is the result of the location of the tumor and my first surgeon removing the tumor along with extra tissue to be sure he got it all. The plastic surgeon completed the breast reconstruction surgery and I also received a breast reduction. I went from a double D cup to a C cup.

Breast cancer has changed my life but it doesn’t define me. No question it has made a huge impact on my life. I’ve learned and am still learning from it. I have moments where I’m laser focused on how finite life is. I have moments where I worry about my kids risk. I have moments where I worry about putting on weight because I don’t want to increase my risks. There are moments where I succumb to stress.

Overall, I think I’m doing a great job of moving on with my life post diagnosis. I have struggled at times like others with keeping things in perspective. I’m grateful for access to tools and resources to help me navigate life.

If you have a family history of breast cancer, get tested with a mammogram early. If you’re at least 40 years old, get tested with a mammogram. I was aware that my breast looked different so I made an appointment to see my doctor. There was no pain or lump. I had already been getting regular mammograms since the age of 35 due to family history. I was due for another.

Pay attention to your body. See a doctor regularly. Eat healthy. Exercise often. Reduce stress. Surround yourself with loved ones. Get a pet. Spend time with God.

It’s been 14 days

August 10, 2020creelight3720 2 Comments

I wish I could say this whole cleanse up to this point has been a breeze, but I can’t. Exactly two weeks ago on July 26, I let the world know I was embarking on a 21 day Vegan cleanse through https://simplegreensmoothies.com/. I’ve done this cleanse once or twice a year for the last few years. I’ve written many blog posts about my experiences, which is different every time. What makes this one fun is that my husband, Bryan, decided to join me for a friendly challenge. This is his first time on the cleanse.

Week 1 was actually a breeze and it felt really great to be preparing and consuming these nutritious foods. Since I’m not new to the cleanse, I’ve gotten really familiar with the recipes and know which ones I like and don’t like. Of course, I stuck to the ones that I like, hoping Bryan would like them too. He’s a very finicky eater.

Week 2 is where we both leave much to be desired in how poised and committed we’ve been to the recipes. The most important thing about Week 2 is that it is the actual cleanse week. Not only are we consuming all vegan foods, but grains, lentils, and beans are omitted. Life certainly is less colorful without these foods. I also remembered that I did NOT like most of Week 2’s recipes.

Bryan has denied this, but I think his strategy was to simply not eat in order to avoid eating the food. There was no question we were mostly hungry this week. Have you ever been so hungry, yet didn’t want to eat the food before you? You usually hear that if you’re hungry enough, you’d eat anything. I was hungry most of Week 2, but didn’t want to eat. We did cheat a couple of times with onion rings. Onions rings are vegan. What can I say (palm bump on forehead)?

I’m hoping for greener (pun intended!) pastures in this last week. Grains, lentils, and beans are back. At least they’ve been back since day 13 because I couldn’t take another day without them. If this were an actual race, I’d be the one clawing and clinching to the finish line. I’m a little surprised by how I’m experiencing this cleanse. And to think, I was actually planning on going an extra week. No way!

All in all, it’s been a fun experience with Bryan. We’re both a little lighter too. We’re celebrating the last day of the cleanse by BREAKING the cleanse for our daughter’s birthday. She gave us the side eye a couple times as she watched us cheat. I type this in jest, but what example are we showing her? I know. Execution might not be perfect, but finish. Pick back up where you left off. Do your best, and even if you don’t, keep it moving.

I will lay this cleanse to rest for the remainder of 2020 once we complete this round. Here are some pictures of the beautiful food I made with my own hands. As an experienced cook, I tailored the recipes to my preferences and even combined some.