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So much for that

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I have been itching to write all day.  Literally, while at work I thought about how I wish I could have my thoughts recorded somehow for a new post while I do my work and no one would ever know.  Sounds silly…I know, but I’m onto something.  Today, I would rather have written a blog post than spend 2 hours in a meeting rehashing what was discussed 2 years ago.  At the end of the day, I facilitated that meeting, got on a conference call shortly after to address a pressing issue, and practically ran out of the building to teach my Tuesday night Zumba fitness class.

It feels good to have my fingers on the keyboard, but I’m having to navigate my thoughts while listening to my husband express his concerns regarding our son and the marching band. Parenting is hard work.  It can be emotionally, physically and spiritually draining.  This is further complicated by having to deal with one’s own insecurities that can bubble up to the surface when dealing with one’s own child(ren). I’m now counseling my husband on strategies that would help the relationship and how we can best move forward.  Some of the issue is communication and communication styles.  Inadequate communication is a problem that I’ve observed in more and more settings (i.e., home, school, and work). I’m glad that I can offer calm, rational and relatively objective feedback.  That would not have been the case a while ago because I would get frustrated by my husband’s frustration.  However, my stance is that the atmosphere starts with me and if I could listen to the problems of about 35-40 clients every week for years, I could certainly be patient enough to listen to my husband’s.  (On a later post, I’ll write about the message God sent me with regard to serving my family.)

So much for my brilliant, thought provoking blog piece.  It’s getting late and I need to get some rest. I’m not adhering to the guidelines I set for myself to shut off electronics at least an hour before bed.  I couldn’t help but get a blog post in.  Actually, I could.  (I caught myself. There are things within our control that we act like are not. Stop it.) I made a choice to sacrifice some sleep to write. The problem with that is that I am at a place where I could go from a few days to a week of getting little sleep, which is usually prompted by stress. I know first hand what lack of sleep does to the body and mind.  I hope to get some solid hours in tonight and I hope you do too.

 

 

 

Seed Planter

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Yesterday afternoon, I had the pleasure of running into a client I knew from an agency where I used to work. I forgot his name, but recognized him as soon as I drove up. There was a time when I was very good at remembering names and faces, but not so much with the names anymore. On occasion, faces can be a challenge too. As I was getting out of the car to take care of some business, I planned not to say anything unless he initiated it.  This is what we are taught in mental health for the protection of privacy and respect of our clients. And I’ve often seen clients in the community over the years. One time, I made the mistake of initiating a greeting to a client that was the manager at a major retail chain. That was an awkward experience to say the least.  I knew better, but it slipped my mind because I’m generally excited about seeing people that I know while out and about.  Whatever the case, although he returned my greeting, he appeared so uneasy that I vowed not to make that mistake ever again. I would imagine that this is a challenge in very, small cities and we have plenty of small, rural cities/counties in Texas.

I did wonder if he recognized me. It has been 4 years since we’ve seen each other.  What I remember is that he is a very intelligent man with a jovial and good-natured spirit.  He struggled with depression, but I could see that he put in the effort to maintain a positive mindset.  As I entered the building, he called my name and my heart and face smiled. However, I still couldn’t recall his name. It was awkward for a few seconds because the reaction most people have (at least where I live) to seeing someone that you haven’t seen in a while is to hug. Also, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a toucher and hugger. We almost motioned to hug, but settled into a handshake. I was in the process of entering the building when he called me from outside, so one person was holding the door open while another was exiting. We held them up for a moment with our greeting, but it was worth it. It was so good to see him because oddly enough, I thought about him recently and here he was in the flesh.

After I took care of business, we caught up for a few minutes.  Not surprisingly, he’s doing well.  He told me his name, without my asking, and I hoped not to forget it again. He said that he still tells people about me and how I was when I worked at the agency.  He spoke highly of a counselor who encouraged him to move on to bigger and better things because he is ready. We exchanged closing words and went on our way. 

After a long, exhausting week of traveling, that meeting made my week. It reminded me of the privilege it has been to work as intimately as I’ve had with people.  Speaking to him in that moment reminded me of what I intended to do when I was a clinician, which was to plant seeds. In meeting people where they are, because not everyone self actualizes before your eyes or while on your caseload, I vowed to plant seeds of hope.  I viewed myself as part of the process of change and wanted them to know that someone (as in me) sincerely cared about their well being.

I no longer work as a practitioner, but this is a reminder that I am still a seed planter.  I want to plant seeds of hope and inspiration in everyone that crosses my path.  This may sound overly ambitious and idealistic to some, but it’s true.

Also, I might not be the loudest in the room, but I do want my absence to be felt when I’m gone and I’ve heard on more than one occassion that I am missed.