I wear many hats in my life. The most recent, and most unexpected, is being the caretaker to my husband. We could not have ever imagined the impact his health would have on our family this early in life, but his brain condition is not going away any time soon. Don’t get me wrong, he is still a high functioning person, however, there are definitely some things he needs assistance with that he didn’t previously. This is indeed a curve ball to my plans of fully acclimating into my role at work, having a clear separation of work and home, getting up to date on all of my children’s medical/dental/vision appointments, serving in ministry at our church, building up a savings, and taking care of myself. Right now, my life is filled with my husband’s numerous appointments, funding and managing all finances of our household, coordinating appointments at my children’s schools, coordinating everyone’s appointments for that matter, hanging by the seat of my pants at work, etc.
I was almost speechless one time back in January by a colleague’s comment to me after he found out my vehicle died on me at work and I had to get an uber ride. (By the way, that was my first and only experience with uber and I was thoroughly impressed). Remember, my husband was hospitalized for 17 days earlier in the month, then there was car trouble with both vehicles. My colleague actually said to me, with the most “poor thing” look I’ve ever received, “your life seems to be crumbling around you”. Ouch. Gulp. Pain. I’m dead. Hey…I really don’t feel like my life is that bad.
How do I manage to keep my family together and cope with life’s curves balls when everything seems to be crumbling around me? (My 12 year daughter told me the other day that I was keeping our family together. That made my heart smile.) First and foremost, I have a deep belief that things will always work out in my favor and that God covers me. I am also a rational person so I lean into that too. However, there are moments where it can feel unbearable. Things that I do to cope are:
- Take things day by day
- Don’t look too far into the future
- Lean into my organizational skills
- Tell myself I can do it
- Be grateful for the little joys in life (e.g., epsom salt baths, hearing my my children call me “mom” or “mommy”)
- Care for myself by taking my medication, vitamins, eating well, and exercising
- Squeeze in some time for the things I enjoy such as reading, writing and walking in nature
Inevitably, I believe being flexible and making adjustments relieves some of the pain and pressure that a loss of control can have. In the big scheme of things, there is very little we can control. However, we can control our attitudes and how we see the world. It takes practice.